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Random though

I need to find out a way to sleep with a manager here so I can get a promotion. She works in a different department, so that might be harder to pull off.


I was bored at work so I thought it would waste some time creating ASCII art but I got even more bored doing it myself so I googled it and found this website that will do it for me.

Using this webstie I created me and a donkey. <3

Workplace hot

I was on the way to the can today when I saw an older manager milf at work. It made me think about the quality of the girls work while I was using the urinal. Saldy, there really isn’t that many hot girls in the IT world, at least not in the companies that I have worked for. You are lucky to get maybe 2-5 out of 100 girls being hot. But after a while the regular girls start to look better or “workplace hot”.

Workplace hot is the type of hot where when you work in one place long enough the normal girls start looking good, very good. This now puts them in a new category that is totally dependant of the work environment. A workplace hottie might be a 9 in the office but if you met her on the steet or in the mall sourrounded by real world hotties you quickly realize that she is a 6 or a 7. Work place hot is a special breed. When they know they are hot in their own environment they often play it up. They dress well and are mean to the other women (usually behind their backs). A workplace hot 9 might not be very skilled at her job but let me tell you, she looks good in a power suit or short skirt. To all you work place hot girls out there, keep up the great work in the office.

But don’t be shocked if you are seen outside of the office and things are different for you. Unless you are at least a workplace 8 this may destroy our entire rating system of you may crumble. Workplace hot works similar to beer goggles. You look great while they are on, in this case you look great while in the office.

Ladies, if you are lucky to be a real world 9, you are is like a 12+ in the office and the world and workplace are yours for the taking. Sadly the opposite is true for guys, we lose points just for thinking about IT.

Work Christmas party

Tonight is the Christmas party for work. They want to charge me $25 to take a guest. So instead I am going to a free party on teh golf course. I may not know anyone there but it is free and the bonus is that if I make an ass of myself no one knows me there. How did I get invited? Good questions. months back I played a round of golf and I had a brilliant idea. Post up a sign that stated that I was the best golfer on the course and if anyone could beat my course records that I would buy them a free drink at the the club Christmas party. That caused so much buzz that people I met after think I am a member and they want a free drink. But it is open bar so it is not going to cost me a thing. Humans are dumb.

Merry Christmas

Douchebag explained

Happy Douche Day

Douche Day

Happy Douche Day

I picked today to be the Douche day of the week. So to celebrate Douche Day I am going to turn off the lights after everytime I use the men’s washroom. That usually works out to 4 times based on my daily BM schedule. It may be a minor anoying task but you have to start somewhere. You can create your own douche day activity.

Enjoy and spread the douche.

Bored at work

Dear Douchery,

I am bored at work today so to make the day go faster I created a new game. Every time a manager says something stupid I ask him to repeat that him/her said but in words that I can understand. In most cases the “dumbed down” explanation is totally different than the first, but usually more accurate once the manager has had more time to think about what they are trying to say. This game ended shortly around 2:13 PM when a deliver manager realized that I was actually making fun of him and told me to get back to work and he walked off in the direction of the bathroom.

I now have 20 minutes left to my work day so I am going to use the rest of my productive time to send emails to my coworkers with every 17th letter missing.

DOAD – Quickie

A girl asked me on the bus the other day “Can we pretend that Airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?” I said no and switched seats.

When is a sink only a sink?

Why is it that if I go to a public washroom and all the stalls and urinals are used up that is it frowned upon to take a leak in the sink. The sink is cleaner than the toilets. This is unfair and I do not think that I should be asked to leave the washroom and to never return to that restaurant again. Not everyone can hold it in you know.

I have now been kicked out or asked to leave from the following:
One Hardware Store
Two Malls
One Movie Theater
A Car Dealership
Two Office Buildings
Four Fast Food Restaurants
and a small Airport

This is a Sink, not a urinal Sir

Reality DB

Why would you give Steve Slater his own reality show? What did this douche ever do to deserve his own show? You know who should get their own show? That Urkle guy from Family Matters. What has he been doing lately? I am interested in knowhing and Wiki isn’t giving me the information I am looking for. Come on Jaleel White! Step up and get your own reality show and let me and the rest of the world know what you are doing. Maybe we could hang out for a bit. Would you like that Jaleel? We could be buds. Anyways, think about it JW.

<3 u [caption id="attachment_312" align="alignnone" width="212" caption="Family Matters"][/caption]